How Do I Stop Dwelling on the Past?

Made a poor decision in your past? Messed up a project at work? Said something you wish you could take back? Can’t stop dwelling on the past? We’ve all been there. 

Replaying old events or mistakes in your head might initially feel productive. However, obsessively worrying about the past is unhelpful and can lead to emotional distress such as feelings of anxiety and depression. Psychologists call this type of thinking “rumination”.

When animals ruminate, they “chew the cud”, or chew their food over and over again before swallowing. When humans ruminate, they dwell on the past, and engage in repetitive (often negative) thinking. We repeat our mistakes over and over again, but then do nothing to change things.

Why Do I Dwell on the Past?

There are many reasons why you might dwell on the past, but these are some possible explanations.

Looking for Answers

Sometimes it can be helpful to review certain events or actions from your past and get answers. Assessing your mistakes might offer you a solution to a current problem. In these instances, you could gain meaning from an experience or motivation to do something different. You are able to look at the past and then move on quickly rather than spiraling into rumination.

What usually happens though is you get stuck in the cycle of overthinking and obsessing. You make a mistake, ruminate, feel bad about your actions, feel shame, ruminate some more, feel bad about ruminating, and then you’re stuck. 

Personality

Unique character traits and personality factors can play a role in dwelling on the past. Some people are more prone to ruminating. 

People who have a tendency to avoid their emotions or have high levels of self-doubt might be inclined to ruminate. If you are perfectionistic, you might find yourself obsessing over past mistakes.

Rumination is also a common symptom of many mental health disorders (Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). 

Normal Part of Being Human

I ruminate, so if you ruminate, know that you are in good company!

The most helpful thing I have learned is that dwelling on the past is a normal part of being human. The human mind has actually evolved to think in ways that create psychological suffering. But why?!

Back in the Stone Age, life was very dangerous. If a caveman wanted to survive, he had to learn how to analyze the past to avoid making mistakes in the future. For example, if he encountered a bear then it would be useful to replay it so he would be better prepared the next time. 

We have inherited this way of thinking in the modern world and now have minds that dwell on the past even if there is nothing useful to gain from the experience. 

How Do I Stop Dwelling on the Past?

If you notice you have a tendency to dwell on the past, it can be difficult to know what to do about it. While you cannot control your thoughts, there are steps you can take to break the cycle and move forward.

Acceptance

The first phase in accepting the past often involves simply acknowledging your difficult thought or feeling. For example, “I notice I’m thinking a lot about how I messed up at work today and I feel regretful”.

The next phase is to give it permission to be there. For example, “I don’t like that I messed up,  but I’m going to let it be”. 

When practicing acceptance, it’s about actively accepting the past such that you acknowledge the mistake and at the same time you take action to move forward (vs dwelling or ruminating).

Self-Compassion

A natural next step would be to offer yourself compassion. Life is painful and making mistakes is going to happen.

One way of dealing with rumination would be to dwell on the past and then beat yourself up for making a mistake. For example, “I can’t believe I messed up so bad at work today. I’m an idiot.”

Another healthier response would be to treat yourself with genuine kindness and caring. For example, “Today was difficult but everyone makes mistakes so this just shows I’m human”.  

Mindfulness

There are costs to ruminating and dwelling on the past. We become cut off from the people we’re interacting with and start to miss out on important aspects of life.

Mindfulness is about being in the present moment instead of being stuck in the past. There are many ways to bring yourself back to the present.

One mindfulness practice is to savor or enjoy a pleasurable activity (listening to music, eating a snack, or smelling a candle). Another option is to fully focus on your current activity (deep breathing, exercising, meditation). 

The idea is that it is hard to be connected to the present moment and be worried about the past at the same time.

Talk to Someone

A great way to get over the past is by sharing your experience with someone else. 

If you have a friend who is a good listener, you might want to share your struggle with them. If you know someone who has been through a similar experience, it might be helpful to ask for advice. 

You can also seek help from a professional. Therapists are trained to help people just like you.

Therapy can help you figure out how to stop dwelling on the past and move forward.

You don’t have to be so hard on yourself and handle things on your own.

Speaking with a therapist can help you learn more about why you ruminate and what you can do about it. 

If you are a teen or adult in the state of Texas and are stuck dwelling on the past, contact me today to schedule an appointment.